Rainbow Ballerina Superhero: Reviving a Little Girl's Dream of Greatness

Ever since I can remember, I have dreamt of great things. At three years old, I was a "rainbow ballerina, and I lived up in the sky." Whenever I watched shows and movies, I identified as the main character. As I watched Gulliver's Travels, I discovered new lands. I won the ribbons in National Velvet. I was Wonder Woman, one of Charlie's Angels, and Princess Leia all at once. I dreamt of mighty exploits, where I had superhero powers and was going to make my mark on the world.

My brother and I made gold rings from our dad's cigar wrappers, clashed them together, and said, "Wonder twin powers activated!" We pretended to wield fire, cast ice, and walk through walls. When our dad built us a tree house, we dreamt of creating a secret club that we would be the presidents of and rule the neighborhood.

As I grew up, I dreamt of becoming a dancer and performing on stages around the world. I thought I would become an Olympian and jump my horses over giant hurdles, amazing the crowds. When I listened to my dad's stories about the ancient Greeks and the gods of Olympia, I knew I belonged to a people of greatness. I watched Indiana Jones more than 30 times, and my heart craved to be a part of such epic adventures and save the world from evil.

When Dreams Grow Dim

My parents told me I could be anything I wanted as long as I married a good, important man who could make money. I never imagined my life would be boring or ordinary. I didn't dream about growing up and getting a good job, working for 45 years, and then retiring and putting my feet up.

In high school, I thought I would be a writer, artist, or politician. Becoming an actress was somewhere deep in there, too, but I became too ashamed to admit it to anyone. With each year of my adolescence behind me, I began diminishing my light and shrinking back.

I graduated Valedictorian, and got straight A’s in college, but my aspirations started to become more "practical" and "adult." I wanted to be an artist and went to art school, but I figured it would be my hobby, and I would have to work in a bank or something.

Once graduated, married, and working, making my own way, my insecurities became bigger than my dreams. I began to dwell on my own unworthiness and felt certain that my grandiose visions of my future were arrogant and unrealistic. If I even began to think big, I immediately shuddered in shame, listening to the voice in my head: "Who do you think you are?"

The vision I had at 19 of a worldwide movement of artists who were changing the world for the better, bringing beauty, life, and light to a dark and depressed world, turned to fantasies, and I convinced myself that I made the whole thing up.

After three children and a few years of grinding away selling our art in the decor market, I figured this was my life. I would paint pretty pictures for furniture stores until I was 60, and then I would retire and wait for death. I completely stopped dreaming.

Luckily, I didn't stop growing, but it was at a really slow pace. I started reading nonfiction when the kids were babies to learn how to be a better parent. Then, I started reading self-help books and realized that I had issues. I went to church ladies' groups and learned all that I could about "How to be the Wife of a Happy Husband" and how to "Live a Purpose-Driven Life." I learned how to serve, give, and volunteer.

The yearning for greatness I had as a child was appeased by the satisfaction that I was giving back by teaching Sunday school or serving Thanksgiving dinner to homeless people. I existed week to week doing the same things and grew spiritually in tiny incremental steps, barely noticeable from one year to the next.

The Dream That Changed Me

At 31, I received a dream one night that shook me.

I dreamt that I was walking through a desert with little babies that were buried under the sand. They were crying, and I could see their faces peeking out. I walked, avoiding stepping on their faces. Then I picked up a fishing pole and was fishing at the end of a dock, catching really big fish. I was told to put the fish inside empty mayonnaise jars filled with water and tighten the lids so they couldn't get out. I filled many jars, but when I looked, I saw that the fish had turned into babies.

I knew the dream meant something, like God was giving me a message, but I didn't understand it. I had never had a dream like that before. I told my friend about it at church, and she said, "You need to meet Beverly."

"Who is Beverly?" I asked.

"Oh! She's this incredibly intuitive woman that can read your mail. If you tell her your dream, she will interpret it for you. She has a dream interpretation night coming up. You should go."

I was intrigued and determined to go but utterly terrified. Who was this magic woman? What if she was creepy, a witch, or said something that would embarrass me? But my curiosity was stronger than my fear, so I went.

About 15 of us sat in a circle in her living room. Each person who had had a dream would share it, and she would interpret it. I was astounded. I had no idea that God spoke to us in dreams. I knew that he used to do that to the people in the Bible, but it never occurred to me that God would still speak this way and to someone as small and insignificant as me.

It took every little bit of my courage, but I decided to share my dream with the group. I was worried that my dream would reveal that I was an awful person who wanted to stuff babies into jars, but I had to know what my dream meant. After I told everyone what I saw in my dream, Beverly looked at me and said, "What a great dream!"

I was stunned.

"Your dream is about your purpose. You are in a really dry and desolate environment filled with control and oppression. Those babies are the people whose lives you are meant to change. But you can't change them while being in such a restrictive environment. God wants to set you free."

I knew she was talking about the church I was going to. I chose to be there because I felt drawn to have some meaning in my life but was too insecure and afraid to do anything on my own. I started to feel like one of the fish in the mayonnaise jars gasping for air.

Reclaiming Greatness

Beverly invited me to go to another meeting she was having that would be bigger and not about dream interpretation. A couple of weeks later, I sat in her meeting with my arms crossed, feeling really uncomfortable. I was fascinated, seeking, and also terrified. I could feel something shifting in me and my heart being exposed, and all I could feel was shame. I sat there, hoping no one would look at me or notice me. I wanted to leave, and I wanted to stay. Beverly's confidence and boldness made me feel safe but also vulnerable.

Then Beverly's eyes locked on me, and she stared at me and asked me to stand up. I didn't know what was worse: standing up while everyone watched me becoming the center of attention, or being a spectacle that would defy her and refuse to stand. I stood up, uneasy and shaking a little.

She said, "You don't know the greatness that you have inside of you. You have thought of yourself as small for far too long. But even when you were a child, you knew that you had greatness. When you were a little girl, you dreamt of grand adventures and saw yourself do mighty things. You knew you would change the world. But then you shrunk back and hid yourself.

Today, God is pulling you up. He says you are great, and if you will walk with him in your greatness, you WILL change the world. That dream he put in your heart is your life purpose. From this day forward, you will stand taller and step out in boldness."

I was crying and shaking. I felt seen and known by God, who created the universe.

That meeting changed my life forever. All of the desire for living exceptionally and stretching toward greatness came back to me. I saw the art movement again, and I understood my place in it. It was no longer acceptable for me to shrink back and play it small. I had to overcome my feelings that I had no worth. I had to become that brave little rainbow ballerina who dreamt of riding Pegasus next to the stars.

Beverly's words to me created some kind of cosmic alignment that had to be. It was a stirring and an awakening that I very much needed in order to fulfill my destiny, and I am forever grateful that she stepped into her greatness to be that person in my life. Nothing I have accomplished or the lives that have changed would have happened without her.

I know that I am not alone. I know that you also have felt greatness stirring inside of you. And when you were young, maybe even only four or five years old, you dreamt of great things for your life. You have a unique purpose and calling that only you can fulfill. It's time to step out in boldness, stand taller and stronger, and walk forward with the One who has called you to it.

What were your wildest childhood dreams? How do those dreams inform your life's purpose?

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