Through the Flames: The Gold I Rejected and the Fire that Freed Me

It's the last weekend of August in 2008, and I am at a women’s retreat my mentor Beverly is putting on. I’m on her team and helping her, along with a few other women. It's the last day, and every participant is receiving a prophetic word that has been handwritten on a decorative piece of paper. Each word is meant to inspire them and confirm everything God has been showing them over the weekend.

As a team, we spent the first night together creating these prophetic words, believing they would go to the exact right person and profoundly impact them as a message from God. Although the papers are randomly selected as they are drawn from a hat, we believed that they would go to the right person.

I saw the women choose their piece of paper and read their words. Some held it tight to their chests, some showed their friends, and some cried tears of gratitude. I chose my paper, opened it, and read these words: “You will be refined by fire and come out as pure gold.”

I said “Nope!” and folded it up, threw it back into the hat, and walked away. This was a complete rejection of the everyone-gets-a personal-prophetic-word plan I helped create! A few people saw my tantrum and poked fun at me for it, asking “Why did you get rid of your word?”

“That one is not for me,” I said confidently.

I left that weekend excited for the future, full of inspiration, and ready for my favorite day of the week: Monday. I didn't care that I left without a prophetic word or confirmation for what God had showed me. I spent the weekend looking brightly into the future. I felt like God was showing me that I would get out of the perpetual motion machine and would have great success selling my artwork on my own and not working with our dealer anymore.

From Confidence to Chaos

For the last six years, John and I had painted 20 paintings per week, every week, without rest. Our dealer asked for more and more work until we hit our ceiling and could not paint any faster or give him more art. The only way to make more money would be to raise prices. A few months earlier, in May, he told us that he couldn’t buy as much work. Something was happening with the galleries, and he would only buy half as much. We were relieved because we would have the chance to build up an inventory to go directly to our galleries.

We decided to hire someone to help us contact the galleries and service those relationships. Her first day was the Monday after the retreat. This felt like a significant breakthrough in our career because we could finally control our brand and pricing and keep track of our own collectors. John and I were incredibly excited and proud of the artwork we had created over the summer preparing for this shift.

Continuing to work for the dealer at half speed was a perfect situation because we could continue to pay our bills, yet have time to build another facet of our business and eventually ween off of our dealer. We didn't see any conflict of interest because we would build our gallery relationships in different regions and cities than the galleries our dealer established for us.

Monday morning at 8am, one hour before our assistant would start her new job, I received a phone call from our dealer in Toronto.

“Hey, Elli, I’ll make this quick. I’m not going to buy any more of your artwork, and I don't know when or if I ever will again. Something weird is happening in the markets. Nothing is moving and hasn't moved for a while. Galleries are defaulting on their payments to us, and we are left with the deficit. I suggest you do whatever you need to do for your family, but don’t count on me anymore.”

He hung up without hearing me say a word.

Shifting Strategies

I held the phone in my hand, stunned. We had some money saved and had just paid for our kids’ private school for the whole year. This was shocking and a huge change of plan, but I felt fortunate and grateful that we had prepared for this all summer and had a nice inventory of paintings to sell. After John and I talked, we met with our new assistant and laid out a new strategy.

We told her to find every art show and tent show that was local in wealthy areas of town and get us signed up. We would buy a white tent and some easels and walls to display our work, and get some artwork sold before we moved forward with our gallery strategy. Our assistant jumped in with two feet and lined up a new tent show every two weeks. John and I hustled more than we ever have in our entire lives, balancing painting as much as possible, and setting up and tearing down our art booth every other weekend so we could pay our bills.

One month later, the stock market crashed and the economic collapse of 2008 turned our world upside down. We were not ready. We didn't have enough outlets for our art, or streams of income. We were trying to create a market during a time when no one wanted to spend money and many people were losing their jobs and homes.

Over the next two years, we died slowly by one thousand knife wounds. We started to lose things because we couldn't earn enough to make it. We lost our cars, credit scores, reputation, status as thriving artists, and our home. Every idol I had raised up above God shattered into a million pieces, and it was painful. My savings account was my security, my career was my identity, my reputation was my dignity, and my home was my peace. I lost it all. I was stripped bare, humbled and naked, my flaws, bad decisions, and pride exposed to everyone who knew me.

Lessons from the Flames

I couldn't make anything happen in my own strength anymore. Like with the manna of long ago, I relied solely on God to feed us each day. Although every day felt like a battle where I swung wildly between all my fears, I also touched a freedom I had never known. I wasn't responsible anymore. It was no longer up to me. I had exhausted every effort to make something happen and could do nothing more except trust God for everything. I lost my possessions, and my idols with them. I was brought to the end of myself and found the simplicity of God’s provision.

We never lost electricity, and our family ate each day. We had clean water and a roof over our heads. I had complete confidence that I could make it through anything because I had God. I remembered the word I refused to accept only two years previously. “I would be refined by fire and come out as pure gold.”

I shuddered at how arrogant and self-determined I was. How entitled I was to throw such a word away. I wanted the gold without the refinement. God knew I needed some fire to burn away all that was holding me back. I needed the fire to burn out all that pride that would keep me from realizing and attaining my destiny. If I had achieved what I have achieved today with all of that pride, I would have most definitely plummeted in an epic, disastrous fall.

Above anything else in my life, I needed to know and understand that my dreams were a gift from the Dream Giver. My destiny was written on a scroll in heaven for a greater purpose beyond me. I wonder what would have happened if I just accepted the word that God had offered me the last weekend of August in 2008. It probably would have been painless and beautiful. Miraculous and wondrous. But I said “no” and threw it back into the hat.

But God is great and merciful and still moved me through the fire, and in my stubbornness it scorched me good. I am grateful, though. I needed it. I pray my heart stays soft, supple, and open. I hope I won't ever be obstinate and miss God with his invitations and opportunities. Above all, I want to trust God with everything and not think I know better.

If fire is offered again, I hope I would have the courage to step through and accept the refining flames.

Have you ever received a prophetic word? How did you respond?

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